Why, oh why, did I spend my entire last post whining about the weather? Because y'all, we got Weather. We got enough damn Weather to last me the rest of the year!
My parents, who also live here in Portland, left on Tuesday morning for Costa Rica for 2 weeks. I am currently house/dogsitting for them, and we had arranged for me to take them to the airport on Tuesday morning before work.
Well. That little trip, which should have been 45 minutes to an hour (both ways) ended up taking us (me) FOUR HOURS. Four goddamn hours. Because it was snowing. And not in a pretty, "oh look, it's snowing!" kind of way. More of a "oh holy shit we are going to DIE here on the highway!" kind of way.
Y'all, Portlanders do not do snow. We do not understand it, we don't know how to drive in it, walk in it, or otherwise handle it. If we get more than an inch the entire city shuts down. Well, yesterday we got a lot more than an inch. At my parents' house, which is up in the West Hills and thus at a generally higher elevation than most of Portland, there is close to five inches.
FIVE INCHES, Y'ALL.
Luckily, I was driving my parents' Durango, which has 4WD and so was able to get home safely (although the drive itself was completely nerve wracking and I think it took 5 years off my life). But, now that I'm home, I can't get out again.
You see, my parents live at the bottom of a very steep hill. And even in our brave old Durango, I am not getting my ass up that hill. Today I tried. I decided I was going to go to work. So I backed the car out of the garage, started to back down the driveway, and promptly slid sideways about 3 feet. I was afraid for a moment that the truck wasn't going to stop at all.
Luckily it did. But that was as far as I got today. I couldn't even get the Durango back into the garage. So now it's sitting, kind of crooked-like across the driveway and kind of on the snow-covered lawn (so white trash, y'all!). Awesome.
But. Do you know how boring it can be when you're stuck in someone else's house, and they don't have your DVDs or your CDs and your damn laptop decides to break? Do you? Because let me tell you, it can be pretty damn boring! I was starting to feel pretty damn housebound by yesterday evening, but at this point I have a genuine case of cabin fever. If I do not get out of the house tomorrow I may go nutso on y'all.
So. Tomorrow I am going to conquer that hill. I will make it my bitch. I will get to work! And for once, I will actually be ecstatic to go!
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Friday, January 12, 2007
Baby, it's Cold Outside...
Y'all, here in the Pacific Northwest, we have been having some Weather.
At least, we have been trying to have some Weather. The Weather is not so much cooperating.
I have to say, much as I love living here in Portland, I hate hate hate the Portland news stations--radio, TV, or otherwise. They have the worst habit of horribly exaggerating EVERY LITTLE WEATHER BLIP. During the winter, they're constantly forecasting snow, only to say, "Whoops! Just kidding" the next day. It is maddening--unless you live here, you have no idea how frustrating it is!
In case you are not aware of the climate here in the Pacific Northwest, it is generally pretty temperate. Not too hot in the summer, not too cold in the winter, rains a lot, everything's green, very nice. Most of the time it seems like our winter temperatures stay around the mid thirties-to-forties. Very manageable (especially since it's probably raining).
I understand that we live in a wet area. And, if the temperature dips below freezing, then it most likely will be icy. I understand all of that. And yet, these stupid news weatherpeople turn every cold front into "THE STORM OF THE CENTURY." I kid you not.
So, the point of this whole "weather" blather (oh my god, I'm actually writing a blog entry about the weather! What is wrong with me?) was that earlier this week we were supposed to get a big snowstorm, temperatures in the teens and twenties, the world will end, etc.
But guess what? It didn't happen.
Sure, we got some snow. Some being the operative word here. Most of the Metro area got anywhere from a dusting to an inch. And then it all melted because it was 35-38 degrees outside.
Guess those newscasters have egg on their face. One of the local stations actually has a weather blog, and they admitted that they should have paid more attention to other weather models that forecasted the lack of moisture. Gee, ya think? Too bad you were too busy trying to get some stupid ratings for your damn television station!
So, to the point:
Lack of snow notwithstanding, it finally has gotten cold. Y'all, it's 25 degrees outside right now. I realize that's nothing if you're from Montana or wherever, but here in Portland, it's colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra! And I am FREEZING my ass (and toes, and fingers too for that matter) off!
Y'all, I'm sorry for this post. Truly I am. If you've stuck with me this long, I applaud you! I'll post something more exciting soon, I promise!
At least, we have been trying to have some Weather. The Weather is not so much cooperating.
I have to say, much as I love living here in Portland, I hate hate hate the Portland news stations--radio, TV, or otherwise. They have the worst habit of horribly exaggerating EVERY LITTLE WEATHER BLIP. During the winter, they're constantly forecasting snow, only to say, "Whoops! Just kidding" the next day. It is maddening--unless you live here, you have no idea how frustrating it is!
In case you are not aware of the climate here in the Pacific Northwest, it is generally pretty temperate. Not too hot in the summer, not too cold in the winter, rains a lot, everything's green, very nice. Most of the time it seems like our winter temperatures stay around the mid thirties-to-forties. Very manageable (especially since it's probably raining).
I understand that we live in a wet area. And, if the temperature dips below freezing, then it most likely will be icy. I understand all of that. And yet, these stupid news weatherpeople turn every cold front into "THE STORM OF THE CENTURY." I kid you not.
So, the point of this whole "weather" blather (oh my god, I'm actually writing a blog entry about the weather! What is wrong with me?) was that earlier this week we were supposed to get a big snowstorm, temperatures in the teens and twenties, the world will end, etc.
But guess what? It didn't happen.
Sure, we got some snow. Some being the operative word here. Most of the Metro area got anywhere from a dusting to an inch. And then it all melted because it was 35-38 degrees outside.
Guess those newscasters have egg on their face. One of the local stations actually has a weather blog, and they admitted that they should have paid more attention to other weather models that forecasted the lack of moisture. Gee, ya think? Too bad you were too busy trying to get some stupid ratings for your damn television station!
So, to the point:
Lack of snow notwithstanding, it finally has gotten cold. Y'all, it's 25 degrees outside right now. I realize that's nothing if you're from Montana or wherever, but here in Portland, it's colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra! And I am FREEZING my ass (and toes, and fingers too for that matter) off!
Y'all, I'm sorry for this post. Truly I am. If you've stuck with me this long, I applaud you! I'll post something more exciting soon, I promise!
Tuesday, January 9, 2007
I love procrastination!
Hey y'all! Been a while, I know. There has been nothing going on at all, I swear! Just worky work work, and there's nothing very exciting or blog-worthy in that... I spent the entire last weekend procrastinating; I'm supposed to be writing my "personal statement" for my law school applications, but instead I watched The Office. The entire second season, actually. In 3 days. I watched so much of The Office that all my dreams on Saturday night featured characters from the show... Hello, I have no life! (But, to be fair, Steve Carell is the funniest man alive, and I just can't resist his genius!)
In other news, the Internet is bored stiff after reading this blog!
Seriously though, y'all, it is National Delurking Week, and if there is anybody out there reading this (I have no idea how to check my site's stats! Can anybody tell me how to do that in Blogger?), delurk! It would make my day, nay, my week, nay, my year to know that somebody cares or is amused by my ramblings! On the other hand, I am the Queen Lurker, and I am going to be making a concentrated effort this week to delurk on all my favorite sites. So yay me!
In other news, the Internet is bored stiff after reading this blog!
Seriously though, y'all, it is National Delurking Week, and if there is anybody out there reading this (I have no idea how to check my site's stats! Can anybody tell me how to do that in Blogger?), delurk! It would make my day, nay, my week, nay, my year to know that somebody cares or is amused by my ramblings! On the other hand, I am the Queen Lurker, and I am going to be making a concentrated effort this week to delurk on all my favorite sites. So yay me!
Tuesday, January 2, 2007
Folks, I am the future of America! Aren't you glad?
Y'all, I have a story for you. And it does not paint me in a very flattering light.
Let me preface this story by telling you that I am not the most graceful person on the planet; no, I am the exact opposite of "graceful." A dainty delicate flower I am not! I am the girl who is prone to walking into walls and tripping over her own feet. While I am fairly intelligent, if I do say so myself, I also have a tendency to be amazingly stupid at times. So, that being said, here is what happened to me last night:
I was meeting some friends for dinner prior to the New Year's festivities, and before leaving I grabbed my coat and gloves, thinking it would probably be cold outside. However, I did not actually put them on, as that would require common sense and so therefore was not going to happen. Once in the car, I (obviously) buckled the seatbelt and put on my gloves, because gee! It was cold outside! Two blocks down the road, I decide that the gloves are just not doing the trick, so I put on my coat.
Over my seatbelt.
That's right folks, I put on my coat over my seatbelt. I don't know if you've ever attempted this yourself, but it doesn't quite work so well, what with half of the coat up over your shoulder giving you no room to move.
So I did the next logical thing: I tried to take my coat off.
Only to find that, because of the angle of my shoulders and the way the coat was stretched, I couldn't.
I was stuck in my coat. In the car. By myself. (And yes, this was before the drinking began!)
At this point I simply lost it. Picture it: I'm sitting there in my car, at a stoplight (thank goodness!), by myself, laughing my damn fool head off because I'm totally stuck--I can't get my coat on all the way because of the seatbelt, but can't move enough to take it off so I can fix the situation. I think I drove down the road like that for a couple of blocks until I was able to fix it.
Nice!
Happy New Year, everyone!
Let me preface this story by telling you that I am not the most graceful person on the planet; no, I am the exact opposite of "graceful." A dainty delicate flower I am not! I am the girl who is prone to walking into walls and tripping over her own feet. While I am fairly intelligent, if I do say so myself, I also have a tendency to be amazingly stupid at times. So, that being said, here is what happened to me last night:
I was meeting some friends for dinner prior to the New Year's festivities, and before leaving I grabbed my coat and gloves, thinking it would probably be cold outside. However, I did not actually put them on, as that would require common sense and so therefore was not going to happen. Once in the car, I (obviously) buckled the seatbelt and put on my gloves, because gee! It was cold outside! Two blocks down the road, I decide that the gloves are just not doing the trick, so I put on my coat.
Over my seatbelt.
That's right folks, I put on my coat over my seatbelt. I don't know if you've ever attempted this yourself, but it doesn't quite work so well, what with half of the coat up over your shoulder giving you no room to move.
So I did the next logical thing: I tried to take my coat off.
Only to find that, because of the angle of my shoulders and the way the coat was stretched, I couldn't.
I was stuck in my coat. In the car. By myself. (And yes, this was before the drinking began!)
At this point I simply lost it. Picture it: I'm sitting there in my car, at a stoplight (thank goodness!), by myself, laughing my damn fool head off because I'm totally stuck--I can't get my coat on all the way because of the seatbelt, but can't move enough to take it off so I can fix the situation. I think I drove down the road like that for a couple of blocks until I was able to fix it.
Nice!
Happy New Year, everyone!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)