In pursuit of happiness.

My friend C and I have worked together for the last year, and I truly feel that she is the older sister I never had. I have so much respect and love for her; we are very alike, so we simply understand each other at a very basic level. Because of that, I absolutely loved going to work--that is, until she decided to move an hour away! Work is no longer quite the same without her sitting at the desk next to mine, making me laugh until I can't help but pee a little. (Well, just kidding. Mostly.)

So C called me this evening, just to catch up and share the minutiae of our lives the way we used to, and at the end of our conversation, she said, "Well, you sound happy." At the time, I didn't think much of it, and continued on with our conversation, but as the evening has worn on those four words have been pounding away at my consciousness, and I have slowly come to realize that, right now, I truly am happy. If you ask me, I'll probably gripe about being super busy and stressed out and work is crazy and too much family drama and OH MY GOD. But tonight I've come to realize that the undercurrent of feeling in my life is not merely happiness but exhilaration. I feel like, over the last few years, I have put restrictions on my happiness, qualifications if you will--I can't be truly happy because I don't make enough money, because I'm still single, because I'm heavier than I want to be. I feel like I've just been waiting for all these milestones to come to pass: I'll be happy when I have a boyfriend, when I lose weight, when I figure out what to do with my life, etc etc etc.

But tonight, all that dropped. I feel like, for the first time since college, I can just be happy. Life itself is enough; why should I wait for some stupid qualification to dictate my feelings? It's like a weight has just dropped off my shoulders, and the sense of freedom is only adding to my exhilaration with life. Internets, you are my witness: I am NOT going to forget this lesson that C inadvertently taught me.